We almost didn’t get a Christmas tree this year. For two very simple reasons: we are both exhausted and broke. Pretty food pictures and colorful blogging aside, this is our Lyme reality. All the optimism in the world doesn’t change the fact that healing serious illness is tough. Tougher than most people could ever imagine. It takes it’s toll, and it’s certainly taken its toll on us.
For the longest time it hadn’t occurred to me that I was brave. When someone would comment on my perceived bravery in the face of chronic illness and long term healing, I would ask myself, “Is this true?” I began to wonder if I was indeed brave, despite not feeling it.
Whenever I’m looking for an answer, I start by asking a question. In this case, What does it really mean to be brave? Why is it that others saw courage within me, and more important, why is it that I hadn’t seen it in myself? Continue Reading…
One of the hardest things I’ve done as part of my Whole Self recovery has been to come home to my Body. It wasn’t until I starting moving back, little by little, into my truest home–this amazing vessel–that I realized how absent I’d been from it. My up bringing and culture taught me to see my Body as something separate and problematic. As a girl, I internalized certain messages about what it meant to have a feminine physical form, and what I had to do in order to control it’s organic wildness.
My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. For the last 7 of them chronic illness has affected our relationship, but it hasn’t changed our love.
In a partnership like marriage, when one person lives with chronic illness, both people end up hurting, even if it’s in different ways. When I first became severely ill, I was unable to look beyond my own suffering to recognize that it wasn’t mine alone.
True, I was the one feeling the physical pain, but suffering is different from pain. Suffering has a mental quality to it, and includes the emotional states of fear, grief, anger, disappointment, guilt, frustration, hopelessness and so on.