I recently came down with the flu, and it reminded me of how ungracefully I can respond to sickness, even after years of dealing with chronic illness.
Yes, I’ve gotten waaaaay better at accepting that being sick means doing less and resting more. But when I paid attention to my thoughts, I saw that I was still blaming myself for being sick and I caught myself feeling in turns frustrated, disappointed and guilty because of my symptoms.
I’ve been sick for most of my life, and as such, illness ended up becoming a basic part of my identity: I was the sick girl, the one with all the weird symptoms and intolerances and diagnoses and treatments. The last several years, while I was full time healing from end stage Chronic Lyme Disease, my entire life revolved around illness.
It’s been several months since I last posted here, and I want to apologize for dropping off the radar without so much as a “hey, I’m taking a break.” If you’ve been following me on Instagram or FaceBook then you probably know what’s been up, but basically I crashed.