One of the hardest things I’ve done as part of my Whole Self recovery has been to come home to my Body. It wasn’t until I starting moving back, little by little, into my truest home–this amazing vessel–that I realized how absent I’d been from it. My up bringing and culture taught me to see my Body as something separate and problematic. As a girl, I internalized certain messages about what it meant to have a feminine physical form, and what I had to do in order to control it’s organic wildness.
My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. For the last 7 of them chronic illness has affected our relationship, but it hasn’t changed our love.
In a partnership like marriage, when one person lives with chronic illness, both people end up hurting, even if it’s in different ways. When I first became severely ill, I was unable to look beyond my own suffering to recognize that it wasn’t mine alone.
True, I was the one feeling the physical pain, but suffering is different from pain. Suffering has a mental quality to it, and includes the emotional states of fear, grief, anger, disappointment, guilt, frustration, hopelessness and so on.